(no subject)

[mamculuna]

A while back at a retreat there was discussion of how being pleased and happy is as much a hindrance to stability as being sad and failing. There was a time in my life when I would have snickered at that, but now...maybe I'm beginning to get it.

This week in yoga, the focus was intention. And I set mine on dealing with fear, on taking the fear on the journey with me. So of course the challenging poses in both classes were flexibility poses--which happen to be the only ones I can really do well. So no fear, no journey, just loose hamstrings. Not that I object to having at least one ability! But it meant my journey was suddenly one of dealing with ego and pride, and of trying to find a challenge in what seemed easy. A big shift, and not one I'm sure I made well.

I've had that happen in other parts of my life--gotten praise when I expected criticism. (And it's not a bad thing! I'll take it!) But still, my mind is thrown off track, and I'm all caught up in it--in many ways, exactly what happens when I fail and get criticized. Obessing on me. Not getting over myself. The only difference is that this is a kind of racy excited good feeling instead of a dull duh feeling.

But they both seem...unreal. Really unreal. Like when your 8th grade crush smiled at you.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Plus... on the arrogance front, I always assumed I'd succeed, and any failure was a temporary setback due to me screwing something up somewhere, or not working hard enough. Criticism was something that was just going to make me better...

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Great that you could be that way--and I know many who are. Praise and criticism are definitely drugs with individual effects. I used to love the praise, but couldn't tolerate any criticism. Now I'm almost the reverse--especially from teachers. Glad I don't have to get grades anymore.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

It was good for me as a kid - it didn't serve me well as a young adult... there's a social development hit I took - I was not good at being friends with other kids my age... and as I've grown older, I have problems maintaining motivation to work hard once I've succeeded and met a milestone. By comparison, my sister, who was more like you in this respect, is very driven and can keep her work up and move on to new things, whereas I tend to get very lazy once I've finished a project.