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A while back at a retreat there was discussion of how being pleased and happy is as much a hindrance to stability as being sad and failing. There was a time in my life when I would have snickered at that, but now...maybe I'm beginning to get it.
This week in yoga, the focus was intention. And I set mine on dealing with fear, on taking the fear on the journey with me. So of course the challenging poses in both classes were flexibility poses--which happen to be the only ones I can really do well. So no fear, no journey, just loose hamstrings. Not that I object to having at least one ability! But it meant my journey was suddenly one of dealing with ego and pride, and of trying to find a challenge in what seemed easy. A big shift, and not one I'm sure I made well.
I've had that happen in other parts of my life--gotten praise when I expected criticism. (And it's not a bad thing! I'll take it!) But still, my mind is thrown off track, and I'm all caught up in it--in many ways, exactly what happens when I fail and get criticized. Obessing on me. Not getting over myself. The only difference is that this is a kind of racy excited good feeling instead of a dull duh feeling.
But they both seem...unreal. Really unreal. Like when your 8th grade crush smiled at you.
This week in yoga, the focus was intention. And I set mine on dealing with fear, on taking the fear on the journey with me. So of course the challenging poses in both classes were flexibility poses--which happen to be the only ones I can really do well. So no fear, no journey, just loose hamstrings. Not that I object to having at least one ability! But it meant my journey was suddenly one of dealing with ego and pride, and of trying to find a challenge in what seemed easy. A big shift, and not one I'm sure I made well.
I've had that happen in other parts of my life--gotten praise when I expected criticism. (And it's not a bad thing! I'll take it!) But still, my mind is thrown off track, and I'm all caught up in it--in many ways, exactly what happens when I fail and get criticized. Obessing on me. Not getting over myself. The only difference is that this is a kind of racy excited good feeling instead of a dull duh feeling.
But they both seem...unreal. Really unreal. Like when your 8th grade crush smiled at you.
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