(no subject)

[mamculuna]

A while back at a retreat there was discussion of how being pleased and happy is as much a hindrance to stability as being sad and failing. There was a time in my life when I would have snickered at that, but now...maybe I'm beginning to get it.

This week in yoga, the focus was intention. And I set mine on dealing with fear, on taking the fear on the journey with me. So of course the challenging poses in both classes were flexibility poses--which happen to be the only ones I can really do well. So no fear, no journey, just loose hamstrings. Not that I object to having at least one ability! But it meant my journey was suddenly one of dealing with ego and pride, and of trying to find a challenge in what seemed easy. A big shift, and not one I'm sure I made well.

I've had that happen in other parts of my life--gotten praise when I expected criticism. (And it's not a bad thing! I'll take it!) But still, my mind is thrown off track, and I'm all caught up in it--in many ways, exactly what happens when I fail and get criticized. Obessing on me. Not getting over myself. The only difference is that this is a kind of racy excited good feeling instead of a dull duh feeling.

But they both seem...unreal. Really unreal. Like when your 8th grade crush smiled at you.

Comments

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's really true when you're young. Although I've seen bright kids who found that getting recognition early set up expectations that they'd always do well, so they got afraid to try. But sounds like it worked better for you.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Ahh. See I was an arrogant kid. I always expected to be great, so I was looking for people to tell me it wasn't good enough and point out my flaws. I knew others who were afraid to try - I was just afraid of being too complacent.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Plus... on the arrogance front, I always assumed I'd succeed, and any failure was a temporary setback due to me screwing something up somewhere, or not working hard enough. Criticism was something that was just going to make me better...

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Great that you could be that way--and I know many who are. Praise and criticism are definitely drugs with individual effects. I used to love the praise, but couldn't tolerate any criticism. Now I'm almost the reverse--especially from teachers. Glad I don't have to get grades anymore.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

It was good for me as a kid - it didn't serve me well as a young adult... there's a social development hit I took - I was not good at being friends with other kids my age... and as I've grown older, I have problems maintaining motivation to work hard once I've succeeded and met a milestone. By comparison, my sister, who was more like you in this respect, is very driven and can keep her work up and move on to new things, whereas I tend to get very lazy once I've finished a project.