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1) My uncle: had race horses, trotting ones, but I never even got to pat them. Just look.
2) Never in my life: would I vote for a Bush.
3) When I was five: I used to push my sister’s nose in. I called it “pudging.” She has not forgotten.
4) High School was: a blessed release after junior high, but otherwise pretty much a waste of time, aside from smoking, playing bridge, and making out.
5) I will never forget: swimming naked in the ocean full of phosphorescence under the stars
6) I once met: Elizabeth Dole. I had no choice—she was sitting by me on the plane. I was coming back from a war protest and she was coming back from voting for the war. No chitchat, needless to say.
7) There's this girl I know who: recovered from being hit by a truck while riding her bike. And is still beautiful, happy, and smart, and does killer yoga.
8) Once, at a bar: Somebody stole my sweater. Which I had knitted myself.
9) By noon I'm usually: still in my nightshirt. Retirement good!
10) Last night: I watched Holes. Except the part I slept through.
11) If I only had: a cat who liked to travel.
12) Next time I go to church, I: will be going to the China baby’s mom’s wedding!!! Can’t wait.
13) Terry Schiavo: died long ago.
14) What worries me most: that I will get helpless before I die and be a pain to my children.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: my overgrown garden through the window. But made arrangements with my very rarely-seen occasional handy man to do some work tomorrow morning!
16) When I turn my head right, I see: the gorgeous lamp with slices of shells set into stained glass that was my mother’s last Christmas present to me, and a great surprise. But sadly, is almost hidden by the unfiled papers stacked on the desk.
17) You know I'm lying when: I talk about my weight.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: my kids were still kids then, and lived with me a lot of the time. Sigh.
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: probably the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet, but would rather be the Fool in Lear
20) By this time next year: I will be able to do a backbend and speak better Spanish. And maybe be doing something to help the world, instead of lazing in idle bliss.
21) This entry is missing because:
22) I have a hard time understanding: why people want to drive huge cars.
23) If I ever go back to school I'll: do an intensive Spanish course, probably in Antigua, Guatemala, next winter. But also geology, maybe some kind of low-level health care training, who knows?
24) You know I like you if: I talk to you for more than five minutes. I’m not paid to put up with people I don’t like anymore. Fortunately, there are very few of them.
25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: well, depends on what it is. Whoever’s involved with or supported me in that, I guess...
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens, & Geraldine Ferraro: More or less dead, depending.
27) Take my advice, never: pass up an opportunity to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, and never, ever wave at a man who’s peeing by the side of the road (lessons learned while traveling)
28) My ideal breakfast is: oatmeal made with soy milk and blueberries, and a cup of green tea, which is what I always have. All that other stuff, like biscotti, I can eat later on.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: All Along the Watch Tower.
30) If you visit my hometown, I'd suggest: come in very early April. Under no circumstances come in August.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips, and track stars: Two out of four ain’t bad. Tulips and track stars can just take care of themselves.
32) Why won't anyone: sell Smart Cars in the US.
33) If you spend the night at my house, don't: sleep in my room if you require silence!
34) I'd stop my wedding/marriage for: since my weddings are usually outside, probably a rainstorm.
35) The world could do without: war, Republicans, internal combustion engines, Adam Sandler movies, and redtips.
36) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: the belly of a slug.
37) My favorite blonde is: my nephew, who unlike my sons didn’t go brown in his teens.
38) Paperclips are more useful than: coat hangers if you need a little bit of wire.
39) If I do anything well, it's: procrastinate!
40) And by the way: I don’t read other people’s memes all the time, either. So if you didn’t get this far, payback is deserved.
41) The last time I was drunk, I: don’t remember! Is that good or bad? Well, probably the last time I was really drunk was in a Beijing disco in 1994, though I’ve probably had a bit too much since then, on occasion. Drunk: not good. Hate hangovers. And there is no hangover like a baijiu hangover (millet liquor, must be 200 proof, and sometimes it has turtle testicles or something in it).
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I'm adding that to my list of Things I Never Though I'd Read.
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