(no subject)

[mamculuna]

Yoga post, and also probably TMI for some males...



Sharon Olds has a great poem in the New Yorker that uses breast self-examination as a metaphor for many things (won't demolish poem here). But I of course took off on the literal level, and thought about how I don't like to (and therefore often don't) do that, even though I do go for my regular physicals and exams. And why not? Because I'm afraid of finding something, of course. And that's not the only part of life I treat that way--I have a real gift for denial and avoidance. One skill I've honed for years is turning my mind away from grief and conflict and loss and all those other things that are so much better dealt with head-on.

So then I wondered if I could learn to use yoga to help me face things instead of running. Because that's one thing about yoga--it's very hard not to face what you're feeling. In the simplest poses, like Uttanasa where you bend down and and stretch your hamstrings, or baby dancer, where you (well, I) teeter insecurely on one leg while the other is up and back behind you--even in those poses, you can't let your mind slip away to something else. You can't do solitaire or watch TV or read LJ to distract you from what's happening. The feeling is there and it's real and for that moment, it's unavoidable. You can use your breath, but not as a distraction. Focusing on the breath in a pose is really a way of feeling it more deeply. Can I take that experience off the mat and into the rest of my life, and learn to feel anger or disappointment the same way I feel hanuman? And then maybe would I also learn to feel the joy of other moments more completely, like the scary joy I felt the first time I did Urdhva Dhanurasana?

And face the truth to save my life?

Comments

[usedtobeljs]

A great post -- and I send all good thoughts that this re-framing works for you. Breathe!

[hugs]

[kalimeg.livejournal.com]

I found a lump once. Actually, the cat found it, with her insistence on walking all over me. But eventually, that "ow" resolved itself into an undeniable lump. To shorten the story, the doctor said it was the smallest lump he had ever seen a patient find. It was about the size of a green pea and it was not malignant. Believe me, better to find it than to let it kill you.

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

So glad it wasn't the bad thing! And I know--and in fact I do check, just not as often as I should. And not enthusiastically.

So glad to know that cats can be useful (or some cats--others, well, more decorative would be the nice way to put it).

[joxn.livejournal.com]

I found a lump in my left breast. I felt much less embarrassed about asking my doctor to do a breast exam than I imagined I would (she's an endocrinologist who specializes in diabetes and reproductive systems).

She sad my breast tissue is just cystic, but it was a totally reasonable thing to have checked with ultrasound if there are any changes. I was relieved.

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad to hear that a man noticed! That is so important. I'm very glad that yours was cystic--and that you had the courage to check.

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Also, I put the male warning up mostly because my young nephew reads this and don't want to totally squick him with personal stuff about me. I know men need to think about the same thing.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful.

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Easy to say, hard to do, though...