mamculuna | (no subject)

I dreamed that my therapist (don't have one these days, but have really benefited in the past from a couple at various times) was telling me that she had to go away--moving or a long trip, something. And she had a new therapist for me. Now the old one was my former Dean/VP, a good woman but very driven, and sort of sad b/c of lack of personal life, not really even that great at friendship, though you could tell she wanted it. And then she introduced the new therapist, who turned out to be the guy I got involved with when my first marriage was ending. I was very concerned that having him for a therapist was not a good idea, but then he started kissing me, and it was a very warm, huggy, l-o-n-g kiss, sexy, romantic, but also kind of comforting. I liked the kiss a lot but kept worrying that there was some mistake. Went off and tried to tell the woman who cuts my hair about this messed up situation, but she was too busy to listen.

Now, the context. I'd gone to bed feeling very bad about my husband, who'd come back from Chicago acting very pissed, hardly speaking to me. We'd been fine on the phone the night before, so I knew he was mad about being here, although her came back mostly to see his daughter, who's here now, not because I had asked him to (and I'd just been in Chicago). This was particularly dreadful to me b/c it's exactly the way my first marriage ended, with needing to live in a different city as the ostensible subject and the real problems not attended to--although in both cases, I understand that not liking to live here is a real thing for them, not just a cover up. At any rate, I went to sleep feeling a very familiar big heavy rock in my stomach, like I was about to see that same terrible movie again (just as update, by next date Bill was himself again, communicating, not angry, but still...)

How life fits the dream: I don't think I was planning a revenge affair or reminding myself of the upsides of marriages ending (and don't even really think that's what's going on here). I think I was maybe reminded of that time in my life and that's why the old boss and boyfriend appeared, but I think they were really about where my own inner life is going. It was a good dream--it felt good, but I felt as though I didn't have a right to feel that good. To say good-bye to work and responsibility, and to have the life I want to live--to write and travel and spend time doing what I want to do.

But interesting how vivid and detailed it was. When I'm not in a dream group, I find it hard to recall dreams, but this one really stayed with me. And maybe I still have completely missed the point.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sounds like you needed a little comforting. Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks. Simplest view is probably the best.

I'm with CW on this one, seems it was fairly straightforward.

One thing I found out recently that worried me, personally, though is that extremely vivid and lengthy dreams can become part of a cycle of depression: the dream keeps you from getting deep sleep, so you become overtired the next day, which makes you mildly depressed, then the depression leads to another night of vivid dreams, etc., etc.

Here's hoping this one gets nipped in the bud!

{{{hugs you}}}

dub

Thanks, Dub. {Hugs back}

That was night before last, and I've been fine waking and sleeping since then. Barring events, I've been fairly non-depressed (lucky me) for most of my adult life--inclined more to obsessive-compulsive, but I do react strongly to bad events. But Bill seems well past his own bad mood, and I'm more able to see that that was then and this is now. Just a rocky night, I think.

Interesting how therapy=love.

Indeed. That's why I think it had to do with my life in general--therapists in my experience have not been much like either of those people.

And how people from your past become transformed into parts of yourself.

That the dream has really stayed with you and that you think you might have missed the point, may mean that you still haven't worked out whatever is driving it. Whenever I've had a dream like that, some time later it'll just become clear to me. And it doesn't always connect directly to what seems obvious. Give it a few days, it might start to make sense in a new way. Sending good thoughts your way!

Thanks. That was kind of my feeling too, the reason I wanted to write about it and mull it over. Thanks! Life seems to be going well now, anyway.